Oh, god, I'm Metero

This is worse than I thought. Remember when I went to the doctor and she said I was 99% gay? Well she called with terrible news. Yep. I'm a metrosexual.

WTF is a metrosexual, I said.

I don't know, but it's very bad, she said. It's in all the news shows and it seems to affect only men. Some of the symptoms seem to be that men really like gay things but aren't, in fact, gay. Also, I think I'm prego and I think it's yours.

Yes, yes, yes, fine, but how do I fix it, I asked.

She started blabbering about child support, etc, so I slammed down the phone and hit the net. Hard. Legs...akimbo.

Turns out metrosexuality was a spell of splitting, or some such bullshit. Some "wizard of high level...perhaps even a demi-mage" cast this spell of division to turn regular man's mans into whiney latte sippers. Shit, I said as I sipped my latte. I've got it bad.

Before you worry, though, there's a cure... *sip* ... apparently a fusion of sorts will fix it, but it's tricky. We must gather the Fab Five and combine their souls with the souls of Rush Limbaugh (assuming he has one, may have to dive into hell for that one), that sneaky guy from Crossfire (may that show rest in peace), Chief's brother-in-law, Colin Powell (he'll be paired up with Jai) and my father.

Then we need a powerful witch or wizard. I could do it, as you well know, but I've been infected and my sofa is so comfy. So I think we should get Willow from Buffy. She's the most powerful witch I know.

Now then, please hurry. Before it's too latte.