Hominid Humduggery

If I had the monkey's paw from that one story I know for sure beyond all measure what my third wish would be. It's the first two that leave me at a bit of a loss.

I first thought I would just waste them...you know..."I wish for nothing." But that monkey's paw is very crafty, very evil mojo going on in that little tight fist freak.

After much thought I think the first wish would be for CoCo Puffs...because well, I'm kookoo for CoCo Puffs. In college I was third captain on the CoCo Puff Squad. I didn't ever get a lettered jacket but I gave the other guys a run for the fucking money you can believe.

For the second wish...Vasoline. Who can't always use an extra tub of the sweet jelly? Some say KY because it's germ free. I say fuck KY. Fuck astroglide too. Give me my bacteria infested vasoline. Those germs on my cock will make me stronger, I swear to you.

Ok...dig if you will the picture. Ho standing there, pants around the knees, rock hard cock supported by the palm of the open monkey's paw.

First wish and a shower of CoCo Puffs. First finger closes.

Second wish and a shower of Vasoline...which kind of makes me regret that wish but it's too late now. Second finger closes.

Third wish? Get jerking, paw. Close final finger.

Who can say they've been jerked by a monkey? Ha! Well...ok, Michael...you got me there.

But who can say they've been jerked by a dismembered monkey! Ho ho! Now who has the getting, my friends? I believe I...got you.

Happy Monday and please, never pull the outstretched finger, for that is where the danger truly lies.