Thursday, July 07, 2005

I want to suck your blood

If I were a vampire I would only drink the blood from the vagina and I'm not talking about menstrual blood, that's old blood and filled with pesky seeds.

I would get myself a job in the maternity ward and I'd carry around a tin cup everywhere I went. I'd tell people I was nurse Cunt and that if they didn't like it I'd call their HMO and have them ejected.

Most people would wonder why I wouldn't just push my face into the vagina and drink the blood that's pouring out when the baby comes. Good question. The simple answer is sometimes that thing will spray pee and who wants pee in their face? Not me.

When collecting the blood I would place the tin cup against the perineum and let the blood drip, drip, drip its way in. I would be extra careful not to let any amniotic fluid in because that shit is bitter and it's also been peed in a lot by the little ones.

I suspect a doctor would try and slap my hand before I collected it all. I would recoil and form myself into the shape of a question mark with my head tilted to the side and just let out a giant HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.