The coldest winter...

Of course if I were ever gay I would immediately change my name to Bart. The gays recognize Bart to be borderline hetero I've been told. I have a neighbor who's gay and he told me about the name Bart, he said it was a well known fact.

Secondly I would move. Omaha is really a nice town for regular ole people. We have common ways and are predictable, but we don't like the homos very much. We tolerate them, sure. We tolerate everyone, but we don't embrace them. It's not a good homo culture, you might say.

Where would I go? That's not even a good question. I'm ashamed of you. San Francisco, of course. That's the homo Mecca--no offence to Islam (meaning, please don't suicide bomb me for using homo and Mecca in the same sentence--I'm not quite ready to go).

When I got there the first thing I would do would be to go to the homo place and shout out, "Who wants to ride the Bart!"

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

The gays love to ride The Bart. Of this I'm quite sure.