Wednesday, October 06, 2010

i'm pretty sure i spelled a lot wrong in this but the god damn machine isn't reporting errors

I seen you at the mini mall the other day.

I had my head buried in a magazine and my back was to the people as I looked at the magazines.  I was wearing that old green army trench coat and my disco shorts that you love so well and I had my head buried in a new magazine of Us even though I have a subscription to Us Magazine.

It was buried in the US magazine and it was the Snooki Upskirt special and I didn't even know what there was a Snooki but sure I took a peep just for posterity that I seen what there is to be seen and I must tell you that I've never been so glad to look away from an upskirt special as I was that day when I seen you in the gabardine jumpsuit you were wearing. 

Fine, I'll admit that I had seen a Snooki earlier in some magazine or in some site if that makes you happy.  She's technically a midget though she's not all squatty like most midgets but I think she'd have a good career in midget mud wrestling or maybe the hottest midget pron star since the 8th century.

She's a whorrid abhoration and I loathe looking at her.  If we were stuck on a deserted island, even a nice one, I would use her for tallow.

You looked ravishing, in your way.  The color of gaberdine really flares off your eyes and the jumpsuit style is rocketing back like the ever exanding speed of space, or faster.

Faster, that's how fast your jumpsuit is going to be cool again.

Jauntily slung over your jump was your beige or a light beige cashmiere sweater.  Perhaps it was a modest taupe.  I couldn't tell if you were going for an ironic off beige but it looked pretty good.  It would have looked better in a whore house but you done fine with it, don't fret.

I knew it was you because you was picking your nose out in public like you like to do, like nobody can see you but I saw you as I gazed out of the Upskirt issue using my all-seeing eye which is located just beneath my left eye but when I look at my face in the mirror I always imagine it's the right side.  It could be on account of a brain tumor which I'm suspecting has been growing on the right side of my brain in a small hollow where grand thoughts are created.  I can feel a hollow and when I close my left eye I can almost see strands of tumor.  It's directly behind my right eye.  I've looked it up on the innernest and it's a diagnosed fact.

I try not to use the all-seeing eye because it gives me acne when I do and I typically choose beauty over knowledge any day of the week, particularly when it comes to me and mine.

Anyway, I seen you and I know it was you on account of the nose pick and you didn't think anyone noticed but I did.  You approached it as you always do, like you have a small itch on the rim of your nostril and then you went shockingly deep, thumb diving down like you were trying to rescue miners in a busted up mine and I'll be a liar if I wasn't shocked (at your bravery and skill) and that there was an actual booger on the tip of the retrieval with a comet-like tail of streaming comet snot trailing behind like it was in orbit.

I seen you eye it with some satisfaction and I can appreciate that, it was a job well done if a queer spot to do such shenanigans and then your arm dropped subtly to your jumper and I have to tell you that you wiped the boogs on the gaberdine jump suit and I'd wash it if I were you before I wore that again.