Job Hunting

I think my next job will be working for the President of the West Wing, Jed or Jeb something...I'm not really sure what his name is, but his son is Emelio Estevez. How cool would it be to have the frickin president as your dad? My dad's a salesman for Christ's sake (and I mean that in the most biblical way).

So this new job would require me to move to D.C. which would put a crimp in my family life, but if they loved me they'd let me go, right? Right. Follow my dream, and all that...

I'm thinking I could be one of those guys that gets all the cool lines, all of the clever comebacks against the alien Republican foe. Because Jeb or Jed is a Democrat and as we all know...Democrats hate Republicans. And with good reason. Republicans poop in their pants. Little known fact. Except my friend Kitty. She's very clean, she has cats. And you, if you're a Republican, I really thought you were clean from the moment we met. None of my friends poop their pants on accident. It's the other guys. They. Them.

So I've been working on my lines, because I feel like I should be prepared, and I thought I'd give you a little preview.

I imagine myself walking up to one of my foes and saying, "There's a new man in town and he's armed with the "C" word. Do you know what that means?"

And then he'd say, "Committee?"

And then I'd point my pointer finger at him and cock my thumb back and make a little shooting motion and at the same time say, "That's right, cunt." Oh, and then I'd laugh.

And in the financial meetings I'd look at charts and say, "What did you do this on, an Etch-a-Sketch?" Then I'd throw the paper in their faces, and if really trying to get a point across, I'd yell, "Face!" When I threw papers into their faces.

I could also say to someone, "Hey, nice tie, did your mom pick that out?" Republicans hate to have their moms brought into it. Democrats do too, might I add.

Bartlett! That's is last name. Jeb or Jed Bartlett! Odd that it's not Estivez, though.

And if Bartlett ever fired me I could say, "You were a pretty good President, for a pear!" Or if he ever needed a motivational speech I could say, "Are you a man or a pear!" Things like that. Pear jokes go a long way in DC. Or so I suspect.

I hope I get a good salary.