Friday, October 15, 2010

if i was a Sleestak, I'd be the one in the bad mask with the 3 fingered glove that was allergic to bright lights

The best part about being married is that everyone is as miserable as I am.  It's a misery-loves-company-fuck-fest where nobody's getting fucked and the only sounds you hear are arguments about money and how to discipline the kids.

Life is pretty delicious, though, and it's Friday and if not for the 40 extra pounds I believe I could fly but that's neither here nor there.

Marriage is like being in an oncology office and you're looking around and everyone has cancer including you.  The newlyweds have easy cancers like pre-cancerous cells that the oncologist just blows on and they drift away.  My neighbor who's been married for a gazillion decades must have inoperable brain tumors all the way into space he's so married.  He's gonna die of it and it's gonna be soon.  To be fair, he is quite old and I seen him with a walker and that can't be a good sign.  If you're tooling about on a walker then watch your step and count your days, my friend.

The nice thing about cancer is it doesn't discriminate on body parts.  It'll eat the skin, the lungs, noses like what Micheal Jackson had, it goes for the pancreas like Steve Jobs had (has) (and did you ever wonder if he sold his soul to satan to get the stock price to 300 and all it cost him was his pancreas?), cancer will even eat your toes; it's an equal opportunity disaster.

Someone told me Bob Marley had to cancer which is pretty hard to believe but I guess I believe it about as much as that Rod Steward passed out and they had to pump his stomach and guess what it had 3 gallons of cum in it.

That's a lot of cum.  I'm not sure you could suck enough dicks to get that much cum.  You'd really have to save it up and then drink it but I'm not sure it'd make you pass out.

I like the Rod Stewart cum story because I don't particularly like Rod Stewart.  His music was ok for its time but his hair is really too poofy to like much.  Anyone with that poofy of hair you can see him guzzling 3 gallons of cum.

But the toe cancer is pretty retarded and you have to laugh at a guy who succumbs to it, even if it's the worst case of toe cancer anyone ever saw it's still pretty gay.  Plus all that weed, you'd think he'd go and get some good old fashioned lung cancer.

I don't smoke weed but it should be legal.

Anyway, I guess even old Achilles was brought down by a gay old toe wound.  Heel really but it's basically the same.

Where'd it get you, Achilles?

The heel...

Oh, you'll surv...

I suppose everyone is invulnerable until they're not.

Life's funny that way.