Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Screenplay idea #11

Episode 1 - Full Glottal Stop

A gay Asian man (a "gasian"), Dr. Dipthong, travels back in time to remove the L sound from the English language and also to increase the amount of the gay population from 10% to 20% because he can't get a date, these days. Dr. Dipthong refers to this plan as Operation Cunning Ringuist.

His trip takes him to France circa 1100 AD where he goes for it "big time" with the French royalty who kinda dig on the little guy.

He is followed through time by Jean Claude Van Damme whose German demeanor does not help his chances stopping the nefarious Dr. Dipthong. The key moment comes when Jean is surrounded by angry villagers and shouts in his tattered accent, "Why won't you little people help me, can't any of you speak English?" We realize something might be going wrong when English comes out...Engrish.

Fade out.

Jean sits up in bed in a full sweat, chest muscles bulging, tight, torn, ripped torso bulging out from a small muscle T-shirt. He wipes his brow and says, "What a nightmare." He looks over at his sleeping partner and says, "I rove you, baby."

Dr. Dipthong sits up and asks with an evil sneer followed by a wicked laugh, "Rong time?"