Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Memory Lane

If I were a caveman, I would be the kind of caveman who threw lavish parties and invited all of the other cavemen and cavewomen to my own cave for cocktails and mammoth appetizers.

I would travel to all of the caves and villages in the area handing out invitations to parties. I’d make the sweetest chitchat around and men would be jealous of my wit and women would try and peek under my sarong.

If a tribe kidnapped me, like in that movie with Darryl Hannah, Quest for Fire...where they locked that guy up in a cage and made him nail the ladies in the cage--then stood around and laughed at him because he only knew doggie style...remember that movie? And what kind of torture device is it to make a man have sex with a woman, anyway?

Well they would do that to me, too, and I'd pretend like I only knew doggie style, then when they were standing around and pointing and laughing, mid-hump I would stand up, giant wang pointing in accusation, legs...akimbo... and say, "This is how I roll." Every word accented by a thrust of my hips, pointing my main accuser at each of the laughers. This…is….how….I…roll.

Certainly this would calm them down. Then I'd finish up the humping, cuddle for a bit because I'm sensitive, hand out my invites to the party and head home tired but satisfied that I did good for the day and also pushed along evolution just a wee bit.