Tuesday, March 01, 2005

One toke over the line, sweet Jesus

Back in whore school, Chief and I were the best of friends. We both had dreams of greatness, him with his funny little accent and me with my supremely large wang, we were meant for greatness.

Whore school had strict standards about community outreach. Very strict standards, and those strict standards eventually got Chief kicked out of whore school and straight into dental school, but that's another story.

One day, Chief and I were out on our rounds and we passed a convent. Seeing opportunity, we stopped in and met with the head nun, Constance was her name...and Constance was her fame.

She asked us in and we sat down and idled away an hour making small talk about this and that. Our interview was up when I looked at her and dropped my shirt off one shoulder and said, "Is it getting hot in here?"

That was all it took. She was all over me like stink on shit, rubbing my chest and tearing at the buttons on my pants, coaxing my ROCK HARD COCK out of his iron cage where he's kept ... for your protection.

So this nun dropped to all fours and started going at ... Ramon, I'd accent the o, but I'm not sure how. In my mind he's Ramon with an accent.

All of a sudden, I see Chief jump in from behind and hike up the long skirt and underneath is the sweetest leather thong a man has ever seen. It looks odd on her old body, but I go with it...this is community outreach and it's not our place to question.

So Chief's back there on his knees and shouting at the top of his lungs, "CHOOOO, CHOOOO, HOLY TRAIN CUMMIN THROUGH!"

He starts pumping his arm up and down like he's pulling on an air horn, I remember it so well, pulling on the air horn and shouting, "CHOOO, AAAAHHHHCHOOOOO!!!!"

And I'm like, "Fuck, Chief, keep it down, you'll wake the fucking monsignor." But you know how Chief is once he gets going.

Chief yells out again and again, "I GET OFF HERE! I GET OFF HERE!" Totally fucking up my concentration.

To my shock the nun shrieks, "YOU WAIT FOR ME, YOUNG MAN."

I'm all, "Damn it, shut up and suck, sister!"

So that was a fun weekend in whore school. As we were walking away, Chief said, "That was just like shooting blah blah blah in Beggar's Canyon, back home." And I knew I would be the best, one day.