Valerie

If I had a vagina it would be the prettiest vagina ever. I would polish it every day and keep it well shaven into a pointy V, which would stand for...Valerie. The name of my Vagina. Valerie Vagina.

On weekends I would take Valerie for a drive to get ice cream and when we got home I would shave Valerie into 2-D topiary animals. First a giraffe, then a shark, and perhaps an elephant, perhaps a gazelle.

I would show Valerie to everyone and I would probably get a reputation for being too effete, but I don't generally care what people think.