Thursday, February 17, 2005

Dog Grooming

Well, I've decided to change jobs. Yep. Gonna open up a dog groomer shop somewhere in Omaha. I've been told that all good businesses need a niche. Mine? I'll only take girl dogs.

I know what you're thinking. Ho, you're cutting out 50% of your clientelle by only accepting the ladies. Well, this time it's not just arbitrary. This time there's a reason. No, just kidding, it is arbitrary.

When my clients come in with their dogs I will greet them at the door and look at their dog and say, "You are the stinkiest bitch I have seen all day."

If they aren't stinky, I'll say, "You are one sexy bitch."

When the dog is sick, I'll say, "You have one sick bitch on your hands."

When she bites me...and she will bite me, chicks always do, "Get a muzzle on that bitch!"

If my client is hispanic I'll say, "Que hondas, puta!"

If French, "Ca va bien, chien?" (Note to self: Learn how to say bitch in French)

I will not deviate from this script. At all. When people ask me to stop calling their dogs bitches I'll jump on them from behind and "latch on" with my teeth on their ears until they see it my way.

All I need is a little ... seed money. Anyone?