Soft and smooth but a nasty bite

If I were a squirrel I would never run in front of a car because I would be a smart squirrel. Instead I would run in front of those silly bikers who wear the racing shirts and tight pants.

As one came by, I would zip out in front of the rider, pause just the briefest of moments, turn to run toward the bike in a fury, then zip off to the side and into the bushes.

After the biker crashed I would go over to his bleeding body, lick some blood--because I would be half-carnivorous--and whisper in his ear, "Stop the human aggression against squirrels."

Then I would go through his fanny pack, get his debit card and buy a bunch of pron.