Friday, March 10, 2006

This is the song, this is the song, this is the lyric, this is a thong

If I were a bug exterminator I would be the kind of man who dropped in the subtle wink after dropping a particularly rustic bit of advice, "The termite has a well known and dubious habit of resting in the crotch of a house..." *wink*

Then a pause while I measure their reaction.

Then I'd shift my wig three inches to the left, then quickly back as if I hadn't done anything.

It would be a black wig, feathered but unkempt from being not on the fake wig-model head but from being thrown on the bathroom floor.

I would keep a pair of red panties in my coat pocket and would remove them whenever I was reaching for a bill of sale--quickly stuffing them back in the pocket as soon as they were noticed.

I wouldn't take any job that risked my life. Ever.

I'd have a ham sized hole cut in the left hand side of my right pocket so that I could grab the shiv which was positioned in my work boot.

I would become a vegetarian so I could better understand my prey.

I would know God.