Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Hooking with Ho

Well, I'm back and boy what a weekend. I finally did it. Yep. Got the hook hand replacement surgery. I've long had my eye on a set of hook hands and I finally said to myself, screw the cost it's hook hand time, baby!

As soon as I got the hook hands I ran home to my wife and said, "Wife! Let's make love, the hook hands are here and they shine with a glory that almost rivals my lust!"

Much to my surprise, she was nonplussed. Chagrined. She suggested the hook hands were ugly and dangerous.

I said to her, "These hook hands are chrome! Very clean and very surgical. Highly polished chrome! You can see the shine of your love cavern in the sweet shine of the chrome."

"I'll not have you skewer my genitalia with these hook hands," she said.

"But that was the point! I did it for us! For our relationship! For the family!" I cried.

Alas...hook hands did not turn out like I hoped. Now I'm sick with semen poisoning. The levels are so high that I have semen at the back of my throat. My own, this time.

And I can't masturbate. The whole hook hands thing kind of makes that a tricky endeavor. I can still get it up. Oh, sure. Always that. I just can't...get it back down.

So all in all it was a good vacation except for the hook hands. I might have to go back to regular old gay hands if things keep up like this.

It also took three days to type this because the home row is unknown in hook hand land.