Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It's better to be skinny than rich

I sure hope that cancer starts kicking in soon, I have a high school reunion coming up.

I need to lose 15 pounds by September and the only way that's going to happen is if these tumors start really eating the rest of my body. Go tumors, go!

You see, it's a well known fact that it's better to be skinny than rich. Right now I'm neither skinny enough nor rich enough to impress anyone. This can all be proven by Science. And religion.

Instead of every conversation asking how I've been and what I drive I need them all to start out with how good I look.

"Ho, you look very good! Very skinny! What's your secret?" (Dumb laugh while vodka is spilling from little plastic cup)

"Well, Bob, I have cancer!"

"Laugh, laugh, laugh, oh, Ho, you smoked so much in High School it's no wonder you have the cancer!"

"Laugh Out Loud! Yes! But this is anal cancer! I got it from all the gay sex! With your dad! Laugh Out Loud!"

"At least not with my mom! Laugh, laugh, laugh!"

Oh, I love reunions.