Help me doctor for I have sinned

I'm writing this from the hospital, a pitocin drip in my arm.

I haven't pooped in nearly nine days (in spite of what I told you before).

The people are worried and tell me that it's breech but I suspect it is the twin of the flushee who has latched on to my colon with his strong choppers.

The talk is that they may have to do an assaerian and I guess that's fine. I just hope they use lotsa lube.