Thursday, January 19, 2006

I don't love Raymond. He's a cunt

Last weekend I built a vagina in my backyard out of plywood and old nails.

It turned out pretty well, but it's not finished yet, I still have a few things to add to it.

One thing is I need to paint it black. There's lots of colors of vaginas but the best color is black. There's a range which starts at the pale blonde -- limpid and weak -- through black and into the eternal red, the flaming flag that is reminsicent of flow. No, it's black for me.

The next thing to do is to make the entrance scary and intimidating yet strangely enticing. Then I need to fill it up with bacon grease.

Finally, I need to stand guard over it day and night and make sure that no other man tries to enter under threat of death. Except perhaps a doctor weilding sharp, ugly tools to probe for the cancers that can destroy a weekend worth of work in the blink of an eye.

I'd let you visit...if you're a girl and want to help me build a second vagina in my backyard.