Friday, January 13, 2006

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan

There is an inverse relationship between the rate one pedals on a stationary bike and the passing of time. The faster you peddle, the slower time progresses. This is science, it is fact, it is an observation I made and sound and approved by God and his small son, Jesus.

Using these principles I have developed a time machine and here's how. By peddling very slowly I was able to actually speed up time and my stationary bike propelled me far into the future!

Let me tell you, for those who have not been the's effin great! Wars? Gone. Disease? Gone. Sex? Free! Oh, it was glorious.

Actually? That's a lie. Everything is pretty much the same except the futurians look back with a sense of superiority and feel that they are doing things much better than we did and that we were illiterate savages, etc.

To be honest, it was kinda boring, so I came back. By applying the similar principles of time travel and peddling backwards I was able to arrive back in my very own time.

As a secondary note of work has blocked blogspot and that will cut into my fun should the work ever slow down. Not...that I ever check blogs from work.