Truth can be stranger than fiction

I'd like to tell you I'm sorry for the things I've done but that would be a lie and more than a lie but yet another lie I did not regret.

I never read that book with the man with the candy hands and I'll tell you that I never intended to read it.

It's apparently a story about drug addiction and I need no one to tell me about that. I had a powerful aspirin addiction in Junior High and I'll tell you, once you get bleeding stools you never need to be told about what aspirin will do to you.

I wish I could say I'm sorry that I told you your mom was a whore, your mom...Jenny or Julie or that slut Suzan, but that would be a lie. The proof of her whoring ways is evident in your birth.

I wish I could tell you that birth is a clean process but it isnt, it's bloody and the afterbirth is profound.

I'd be more interested in birth if the baby walked out with a fine tophat and a fancy cane and fought his way out of the vagina with a machete and wanted only a glass of gin en lieu of apgar for what does a baby need with apgar?