Monday, January 23, 2006

If I click it, will you lick it?

In spite of furious and firm protestation to not vote for me for best of blog in the whore department, it has come to my attention that someone did. Not only did someone vote, but two people voted (thanks mom) which was just enough to make me a semi-finalist as one of the dirtiest whores on planet earth.

As you may recall, I didn't want this. I wanted none of it. If this award were poop, I would not have scooped it. I would have let it lie for the maggots to turn to dust. The maggots would have fattened themselves, turned into flies and flown off to the writers who deserve it.

Sadly it is a glory which has been foisted upon me, as one would foist the heaviest calf into the weak man's hooked hands.

I have resolved to win.

I know that I cannot win in a fair fight. These other douchebags are clever and young and fast. Faster than me in most respects. As such, I have decided to kill all of the other people in my category and perhaps expand into other categories if I get the urge. I'm not sure who my competition is, yet; I haven't taken the time to check their sites because I'm not interested in putrid trivia. But today I will stoop my broad shoulders, visit their web sites, cull their information from google and hire a hit man or perhaps a hit woman (preferably a virgin nun if I can find one) and discuss a plan of action to win what is rightfully mine.

I hope I can find someone to do it for under five dollars, or I'm going to have to think of a new plan.