Best hair band evah!!!

If I were a vagina I would learn how to make the smoke signals like from the olden days.

I would build great, pluming signals to the indians and I would shout out, "Oy, the white man has kidnapped me and wants to fill me with raw soil and loam and leaves of grass. SOS. LOL!!"

Of course no actual indians would show up because they're all on reservations in the desert in Utah where no one but the indians and the mormons want to live!

If an actual indian showed up, though I would say, "I'm sorry, I wanted a real indian from India whom believe in all those crazy gods and don't eat steak like we do and who will be greatly disappointed to find hell and not reincarnation when they perish from this great earth."

If that didn't work, I'd either call John Wayne's ghost to come and help me fight the savages off or spit a fine spray of vaginal goo in his eye and then run on my swift vaginal legs using the loping leg style that wins me my races.