Tuesday, July 11, 2006

What's the plural of clitoris? Clitorises?

I think that there should be a special allowance for beating a man to death with your own arm.

I mean, if you think about it, and I have... the fury and pain involved in someone tearing at their own arm such that it comes off in their hands, then wielding it as a cudgel or mace or shillelagh at their foe...that's fucking dedication, right there. Who can blame a man who would beat another man to death with his left or right arm?

Now there are some provisions to the self-arm beat to death rule and they are as follows: You may not chop the arm so that it's dangling by a thin, gory thread and then pull it off and beat with it. That's cheating. Further cheating is that you may not have it surgically removed and then frozen solid such that it's like a small branch. That's double cheating there.

After the beating there should be a judgement of style points wherein bleeding to death from the ripping would get you 10 points and reattaching the arm via surgery would get you a negative rating and a big tattoo of Pussy Pussy Can't Win A Fight right on your forehead.