Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire

This got kinda long and I feel (bad about that and...) like probably you should read something different instead of the long ramble.  Like the bible.  Go read the bible, sinner.

I think I'm suffering from Carbonite Sickness.  I have all the signs -- classic case, really -- sore throat, beleaguered nose, breathing with my mouth open seems to exacerbate and the only time I feel better is when I am drinking.

Help me out and shoot me with your rich ray and I don't even care if it stings a little and shoot me in the fleshy parts of the ass where all the good shots go the ones from my youth except the polio vaccine which makes a scar to last into the future and this is not a sexual innuendo but I want to be fatso in the dough.

I have discovered a cure for the gay parts of AIDS.  Listen up gays and this could possibly save your life.  The cure is to marry a woman and have vaginal sex at least once a week (and no more boys).  Additionally you must let your lawn get long and out of shape and you have to grow a great beard like that crazy Rasputin sported.  This cure will not work from the straights though because they became sick from promiscuity and that's the devil's food cake.

Hey, who is Heidi Montag other than some blonde girl with big fat titties and an unfortunate face?  No, not Tori Spelling, not that unfortunate.  I'm usually up on the news, I steal the neighbor's Us magazine several times a month and I'd like to lie to you and tell you I read the articles but I don't.  Fuck, maybe there aren't any articles, how would I know?  I look at the pictures which is worth 1 thousand more points than the words according to the wise men.  And lately it's all oh, let's all cry about Heidi Montag and I'm all, that bitch with big fat tittes?  Apparently so.  So cry for her cause she has some crazy shit going on at the moment and needs your salty support.

Hey, where's that site with the 4 thousand dollar call girl?  I seen her boobies on the innernet but they're all fuzzed out like I'm a child what never seen titties before.  I want to see them up close.  I know that's boyish of me but that's how I was raised.  Never settle for smudged boobs.  I wish I had 4 thousands of dollars.  I'd bury her in 20s then crawl through them looking for her.  Maybe 1s.  Can you bury someone in 4 thousands worth of 20s?  How many 20s are in 4 thousand?  Like 8?  I should have stayed in school.  I know lots of guys say this, but how is it that you can show some guts in the street but you can't show the local naked harlot?  I blame Dan Rather for this.

My feet stink.  I should chop them off with a hammar.  Do you think nubs stink?  Do they go into shoes and then get all stinky or is it just a virtue of a sweaty foot?  If you have a nub, please drop me a line on the message boards and tell me.

Hey, guess what?  I went to Von Maur 3 times last week and didn't even get shot once nor even shot at.  I wonder what my odds are now of getting shot at a mall.  Probly ...3:1.

Here's my poem about Lance Armstrong:

lance armstrong is a tiger, fierce and bold
he lives by his wits and has a keen sense of smell
he is an animal living entirely in the moment
he is outside the scope of time
and space