Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Jesus ruins all the surprises

I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news first.  The bad news is that I'm all out of vodka.  This is also the good news.  I'm tempted to try going a night without drinking but then the bigger temptation is to not.

I think they should make a word that represents the absence of a hangover.

Some douchebags would call that word alcoholism and they would be foolish and wrong.  The real word is alchoholist and that's what I am.  A professional in my field.  Like a surgeon but drunk all the time.  And pays less.  But much better company.

Also, I think Jodi Foster is a lesbian.  She's never in the tabloids with any men and she has that mystery baby and I know that must have taken some work without a man.

I think she's pretty pretty for a lesbian.  Lots of people think that lesbians are all hot and like to suck a little dick between the women they keep and that's pretty much true (as I understand it and I heard it from People magazine so you can pretty much believe me).

Like every rule there are exceptions, of course.

If you had to choose to sleep with Rosie Odonnel or Martina Navratalova, whom would you choose?  And don't try to throw in some sneaky I'll go with Rosie's wife, thanks.  I'm talking boysbians here, not the wife of a boysbian.

I'd choose Martina because I bet she smells like soap.  Like one of those soaps that jocks use.  Irish Spring.  They carve it with a pocket knife.  I bet Rosie don't.  I'm not saying she stinks but I'll bet she washes less than Rosie.  Maybe I'll ask her on her blog but I feel kinda sensitive about that.  So I probly won't, she'd likely take it out of context.

Know what else?  I bet the used vibrator market isn't as robust as you might initially think.  Probly is available.  I bet even if you say it's slightly or gently used you don't sell too many of them.  Cause I'm in the market for one.  If you have one.  Shoot me a note on the message boards.  We'll haggle.