I have a tan that makes that pussy Adonis cry

So, I'm back. Vacation was lovely. Let's just say my penis is callused like a log-cutter's palms. My palms are too, not coincidentally. I was on a masturbation tour of the west coast and boy are my arms tired. My wife wanted to come, but I’m a selfish bastard.

I stayed in a hotel that used single ply bathroom tissues, though. Ho is angry with the single ply bathroom tissue. My first wipe...my fingers broke through and touched the poop and my hairy ass. Under normal circumstances, this is not a bad thing, but when your hands are red and raw from hours of self....flagellation...the last thing you want on your hands is human feces, particularly your own.

So on the spot I made up my mind. I used three times the tissue just to show those cheap fuckers who they were dealing with. Six times I overflowed the toilet. Six times I called the front desk and sheepishly admitted that my toilet was running turds into the rooms below. Six times they sent plumbers. I don't know if they understood my point, but I feel better about things.

I also stole all of the extra rolls. And some towels. But it's good to be back and I missed you. It’s late. Go to sleep. Oh, and I stole the free bible. I had to, don't you see?