Wednesday, March 23, 2005

What for Lent

Many of you don't know this, but I am a very good Catholic. People who know me call me the best Catholic ever. Really they shout it, BEST CATHOLIC EVER. I think it's a sign of decreasing membership that anyone shouts Blog Ho, Best Catholic Ever, but I take praise where I can find it.

We Catholics believe in this one thing where ... at the end of days ... we all come back and get back into our bodies. I forget what it's actually called, but it's very scary and also very exciting. I can picture me getting into my dead skeleton and walking around scaring people.

Then it ocurred to me. Other people's bodies. I would totally get into someone else's body and walk around. Hang out with his old friends--laugh at their lame inside jokes. Drink his whiskey, drive his old car, nail his old girlfriend, pet his old dog (dogs go to heaven). I think this person would be Arnold Schwartzenegger. I know he's old and short, but he's rich and has a hot wife and nice cars. And that's what I'm about. Hot chicks and nice cars. And nice dogs. I was bitten once by a german shepherd. I have the scar if you want to see it.

Which leads me to my next topic...consumerism. As you know, I'm the consumate Capitalist. Some call me the Best Capitalist Ever. That being said, I have decided I want to sell t-shirts. Mostly to my mom, but to other mothers as well. Or fathers. Or anyone, I suppose.

The t-shirt will be white and cotton, two very fine things. It will feature a logo which is my face and down the left will be my name...Blog Ho. But maybe in caps and dripping blood. Or maybe not. At the bottom will be a clever slogan. Right now I have Daily Dose of Profanity, but I'm not sold on that.

Any suggestions for clever captions are welcome. I'm also tempted to append a huge rack of boobs to the shirt like those t-shirts that feature lovely young boobs or giant pecs and swimmers w/ surfboards.

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