Slurpee

If I had a vagina I would surely get a job at a 7-11 and demand the graveyard shift.

Late at night I would stretch out on the counter and fill my vagina with a slurpee. A cherry slurpee. I would slide the slurpee nozzle right onto my vagina and it would be a perfect fit. I would twist the little twisty knob and just fill and fill.

The slurpee would be cold as the sweet sugar-ice rushed through my cavernous vagina--into my fallopian tubes and tickled my ovaries.

I would then squeeze my vagina tight and shoot all of the icy cherry slurpee into my stomach via a special vagina-slurpee-to-stomach-straw. 7-11 would try to copy these straws but I would hold the patent.

I would then move to the fake cheese machine and fill my vagina up with the odd cheese pumping warm goo into my vagina. I would pump and pump until my vagina was packed with Velveeta. I would then seal my vagina and walk to the nearest party.

I would lay down on the counter at the nearest party, unzip my vagina and say, "Who wants nachos?"

In this way, I would make many friends. I would let only one or two people lick out the vagina, though. I'm no slut. Whore, yes. Slut, no.