Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Ho's Questionnaire

Ho has been asked to fill out a questionnaire. I love all things that bring me attention and being asked to fill out a book questionnaire that was tailor made and distinct for Ho...one never asked anyone else ever.. as if it were minted by the Franklin Mint.. well that's very much my style and something I can really get into.

Without further ado, the answers to the questions that have puzzled so many..but not Ho. Ho is puzzled by many things but not books. Books are for burning.

Total number of books I've owned:

Yes, yes, good question. This question wants to know how many books Ho has owned. Many would think millions..Ho is well read, they would argue..many would say zero..Ho is a vacuous fool with a hair trigger ejaculate organ and a vitriolic tongue that oozes vitamin c. The answer is exactly one.

I am the kind of guy who does not believe in having too many books around. I get a book, I read it cover to cover, then I burn it so no other can gain the knowledge that I have gained so that I can use it against them in a battle of wits.

Once again, the answer to this question: only one at any given time (You can think of this as like the Sith question--but with the answer being one, not two.)

What is the last book I bought?

Yes, yes, good question. The answer to this question is simple yet .. well, yes simple. Ho does not buy books, he steals them from libraries and children walking to and from school. But only one at a time. The last book I stole was from a 47 year old man wearing Bermuda shorts and socks to his knees. It was The Bourne Identity. I read 200 pages of it yesterday while sick in bed and so far, it's the best of vapid fiction. I hope to burn it by Saturday.

Last book I read?
I want to answer The Bible but we all know this is a lie. The truth is far more deceptive. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Good news, there was a garden of good and evil. I hate books that have titles that aren't in the books. If I get a book called Rock Hard Cocks I expect there to be at least two rock hard cocks.

5 books that mean something to me:

Ho has no interest in meaning, Ho has interest in titillation. Five books that titillated: Fear of Flying, Madame Bovary, Lolita, There's a Homo in my Pocket--Please Dig Him out with a Penknife, and finally... the book I've written that is providing rejection letters to paper a mansion.

Tag 5 people and request they fill this out on their journals

I will tag no one. This is hereby considered Ho's questionnaire and all others report up to me like in a pyramid scheme.

This was kind of verbose...I'm sorry.