Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Open up and say arff

I think it's time for a career change. Programming is cool and all but I figured out a way to make sweet ass cash without all the pesky work. Yep. Dog psychiatry.

Oh, sure I'd shrink other pets, man cannot live on dog alone, but I think that my meat and potatoes would be with the dogs.

I imagine an hour session with a dog...really getting to know him. Gaining his trust, shaking his paw, getting him to bare his very soul by using clever and subtle tricks of the shrink trade.

At the end of the hour I'd go out and meet his owners.

"Well, this is a tough case," I'd say with a grimace.

"Will he be ok, doctor?" the people would say.

I'd stifle a small tear. "This is the worst thing I've ever seen. His mom...his ... mom..." I'd break off and cover my face with my entire forearm.

"Oh, God, no." the people would say.

"Yes. His mom...was a real bitch." I'd announce with mock solemnity.

Then I'd recommend years of therapy at 80 bucks an hour...and no fucking HMOs to cut into my rate!

Ah...easy street here I come.