Bloody Poop Stains on my Poontangs

I had a good idea, this weekend. I want to be the premier seller of thongs on the internet. I have a web site picked out and it will be http://www.amazong.com.

My motto will be, "The Amazon of thongs."

All I need are this:

1.) The domain registered in my name.
2.) Big, fat bj.
3.) Startup money to support my barbaric salary.

Note: This list is in no way ordered by priority.

Secondarily, the best part of being married is knowing that one day I'll die.

The third item is that I love people who smile at me without provocation because I can tell that they were malnurtured by a rough hand and that I could crush them with the smallest of six words if I were of more base a metal.