This is my hand, this is my leg, this is the bottle of pickles you crave

The Japs don't use chopsticks.

I was just eating sushi and struggling to get the meat pods up to my delicate lips when I had a sneezing fit and had to go to the bathroom.

It was then that I chanced upon several snickering Japs saying, "You can trick American do anything" tee hee, "Here, you eat with two sticks, we do all tine!" tee hee.

I was livid. I walked right up to them and said, "Where is the bathroom?" In my mind I said much more things which I cannot reveal here on account of the foul language.

Secondarily they don't drink tea. They think it's gross. And it is. But they grow a lot of it so that they can sell it to England. Stupid England. The Japs are laughing at you Mr. Darjeeeling.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was this:

I want to marry a girl with an oral fixation and a low self-esteem.

Well, maybe not marry.

But just get to know kinda good.

I may have said it before, of course. If I did and you noticed then please keep it to yourself.