I have left eye cancer

To all the girls I've ever donkeypunched before (and also the boys):

I have been doing some research on the internet from my mom's basement and also the local library where the non-white kids go for surfing and I've come upon a startling discovery.

At first I thought the donkey was a matter of finesse to be done with just the right flair. I could not have been more wrong. It's timing.

Fuck I was so stupid.

It's not about how hard you strike or how gentle, but when.

Apparently at the beginning or mid stroke is not good enough.

So if you would give me another chance I think I could get it right, this time.

And if we've never had the pleasure together, perhaps it's time that we do instead of you being so fucking selfish.