Nibble nibble, little fish, grant to me my ugly wish

Just when I'm about to give up on marriage on account of the Navaro sitchy my faith is restored with the news of Kid Rock and Pam Anderson's plans to marry. Thank you, Jesus. It's really true that when one door closes, three open. You can take that one to the bank.

So guess what, my dog turned seven this morning and I scheduled her first colonoscopy!

I know that she's not technically fiddy and I was tempted to divide 365 by dog years but then I remembered that I am an American and automatically bad at math, so I went ahead and scheduled the appointment, today.

Now between you and me, it's not a real appointment. I have some pretend Versed and we're going to watch reruns of Katie's probe, then we'll go ahead and start looking down there to see if there are pulpy pollups.

Finally, good news. I talked to Osama Bin Laden last night and he said he was going to change his name to Hosama Bin Laden. I think that will help things. I'm working on Kim Jung Il but it's not as easy. A lot tricker.