Dogs are nice. You should get one.

Several things.

One.

I wish Hawaii would die, I hate it so bad. It's just out there mocking me with sun and cheap drugs. Fuck you, Hawaii.

Two.

Thanks for the aids virus, Africa, we're really digging that over here. Nice job.

Three.

I didn't like the movie Deathtrap. It reminded me of how my father left us for another man and then killed him in a trite and confusing way. Another bad movie was Seven but a lot of people are all...i loved seven so much...but they're wrong.

Four.

I'm differentiated in the marketplace. Big time.

Five.

It seems that the odds of getting killed by a jaguar go up quite a bit when you work at a zoo. I'm not saying this to scare you but...goes up about a million.

Six.

I used to want to fuck Janet Jackson. I still do but it's a lot less of a want. Now it's more like fucking an eskimo. When will that opportunity come around again? (even if you're not that into it).

Seven.

Sorry, eskimos.

Eight.

I was there when Anna Nicole's baby was born (the baby one) and I may tell you about that one day.

Nine.

Pimp my ride is a good show. I'll fight anyone to the death who disagrees.

Ten.

I'll bet floppy disk salesmen have less and less to laugh about when they get home from work. Even the 3.5" salesmen.