If I was a spy I'd be dead by now

This is how you'll know me.

I'm in Omaha which is an established fact and I wear corduroy trousers all about town to protect me from potential motorycle burns. I have a tattoo on my right arm of your mom's name and it's spelled wrong, of course, but we both know what it says. Her name is Beth or something and I have it spelled Belinda but it's all the same thing.

The other thing is that you'll see that I am Love and it will ring true. I am love.

I met a woman who has never had an orgasm, recently.

Never. Ever. Not even self-induced.

I met her in a grocery store checkout line.

Ok, that's a lie. The line part. That would be fun banter to throw around whislt waiting for your turn to pay.

Anyway, I believe we should set up a fund to get her a new vagina and someone fine to play with.

Send me the money, of course, and I'll spend it on looking for potential vaginas and also on alcohol (plural of vagina is vaginae(even in something as simple as a plural vaginas are complicted)).

I'll scour the earth for you.

For her.

For us, darling.

For us.

For me.

For me.