Nine O'clock feels late

If I was a referee I would be biased toward the white people.

Then if anyone confronted me about it like Jesse Jackson or those other liberal savages I would refer to a certain law in this land called Affirmative Action.

Because you might think that white people are better at sports but that's not true. All you have to do is look at Basketball.

And football, soccer, baseball, cricket (I know, I know, white people don't care about cricket (except the stupid Australians) (And the Kiwis) (Kiwis are lesser Australians) but because I'm a lawyer I have to include it in order to live up to the "Letter of the Law.")

The only sport I can think of where I wouldn't necessarily favor the white guy is chess.

In chess I'd favor the non-Russian. And I definitely wouldn't favor those shitty little kids who win at the age of 7. Fuck them. Try to show me up? Not on my watch, Tatum O'Neil.

Or maybe I'd just let the Russians win. What else do they have? It's so sad.

Perestroika. Nonsense word.

Yeah, that worked out.