Monday, September 08, 2008

Enjoy this Monday, it's probly your last

My mortgage is due but I ain't payin it.

Not until after Wednesday comes and goes cause that's the day the world is supposed to end again.  I figure if I have to die, might as well go out with a positive value in my bank account and just a little bit in the overdraft protection account.

I don't want to go into heaven in my orange camaro in debt.

That would be a awkward thing to say to Peters.  About the debt.  And me in this new orange camaro.  How to justify that?

So I'll just let sleeping dogs like and if Peters asks why I'm behind on this month's I'll remind him about the free 15 day grace period before the 1.5 percent penalty kicks in. 

That should cover my bases.

On that score, anyway.

So I say to myself, what the fuck is CERN, anyway?  And how have they been able to build a doomsday device without the world knowing it and where are they, anyway?  CERN sounds kinda like Europe, right?  Probably it's the Danes.  All that winter and what the fuck, let's blow up the world.  Why not?

And all this time we're looking for WMDs in Iraq?  Not that it wasn't a swell idea to invade Iraq, they had it coming for a long time, and we might as well see if we can get a 2 day war going with Iran and Russia and Kuwait (but not our good friend Pakistan who stand with us shoulder to shoulder against terror) since the world is ending anyway.

Might as well.

And all this time we're looking for WMDs in Iraq and the CERNs in Sweden are building a doomsday device.

Fucking NATO.

Mother fucking ... what's the name of the one in New York we hate so much that just takes our money and eats our crackers?

The United Nations.

Once again we see that those big country organizations are totally worthless.  Let's try and disband them in the next 2 days, if possible.

Well, not NATO, we may need them for the war with Russia we might as well have.

If you had asked me to list the top three ways in which I MIGHT die?  Death by black hole would not have made the short list.  Long list, sure.  Not top three.  Running from the cops was number two.

Now it doesn't matter.

What really makes me sad is that that hawt VP chick (the one with the retard baby) isn't gonna get into office.  I never wanted to fuck a Vice President of the US, before.  Well, other than Dan Quayle.  God I wanted to fuck him.  I wanted to stand face to face, totally naked, dong heads pressed firmly against one another like two proud football warriors ready for battle -- and then the hip thrusting rage and all the pounds dink to dick until one of us is concave and one of us is vexed and both bloody and sweet relief (at least I think that's how the gays do it) (the gays that don't want anal like me and all the Vice Presidents).

But I guess that's never going to happen.

Fucking NATO.