Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sara Palin has bad dnas (retard babies)

I want to go back in time and kill Michael Palin before he's born or before he becomes newsworthy.  He's really fucking up my search to find nudes of Sarah Palin on the googles.  Every time I see some skin it's his skin and he's treking around the world like I could give a shit.  Maybe if he stayed around America and Omaha I'd watch that show but I don't want to see no brit going around the fucking Middle East eating falafals.  If I want to see that I'll read the fucking bible.  (I have it memorized at least the good parts (the new testes)).

Cause really, fuck the old testes.  That's just dead jew stories.

Also, what the hell with clamato?  What is it?  I mean I understand it's clam juice in tomatoes, but dear god, why?  Did we just have so much clam juice laying around?  Even so, who said, "this is a good idea, we take the clam juice...clam juice?  where does that even come from?  juicy clams?...we take the clam juice and we pour it in the tomatoes and we sell it as a nifty combo of clam juice and tomato juice."

They they all nodded their heads.

Plus it just tastes like tomato juice.  Or maybe V8.  I don't taste no clam juice.  At all.  Plus I bet clam juice tastes like shit.  I'll bet a million on that one.

Can you imagine a beer bong but with clam juice?

I can too.

I'll bet the room would smell of clams and vomit.

I'll bet the chicks would flock to a clam juice bong party.  Especially the real skinny ones who no matter how little they eat can't feel good about how skinny they are.  And the goth chicks with pierced nips and a hunger for self-destruction.

God I miss my youth.

Might as well make pussy juice tomato juice.  Plamato.  It'd still taste like V8 but maybe you'd have pubes in it.  Like they'd get stuck in your teefs and when you smiled all your friends would know that you've been drinking Plamato and beer because the last time you had your face that close to real pubes was maybe six years ago when you were richer and drinking less.

I wish I was a heroin addict instead of all the booze.  People would say, "there, there, leave him be, can't you see he has a rig in his arm and a drug problem?"

Now they just say, get up and go to work.

They don't even care that I have a hangover and that I'm going for a world records in consecutive hangovers and I appear to be winning that record but there's still a lot of work left to do.

Also, I'd like to plum my toilet with hot water and I don't mean just pure hot but warm water but I'm not good with tools.

I think of the poops coming out and splosh and I get kind of sad.  I bet it's a bit of a shock going from a nice warm body and then into the cold sploch of the stool.  I would hate that.

The poops do such a good service you should let them ease out and let them get used to the new environment gradually.