Saturday, March 26, 2005


As many of you know, I am an amateur etymologist. I have been feverishly studying the word idealist lately and I think I've come upon its true meaning.

The first part of the word I stands for I as in I'm an idealist or I love sex. It's a pointer letter/word that points to I. The letter D stands for deficiency. I didn't give my homework. Well you get a D slack-ass slackah.

Here's the tricky part. Eal should really be eel. Like the creepy fish that live in rocks and shoot out and attack you at the beach.

Finally ist. Ist is ... well, ist. Ist is complicated. Basically it means ist. Like linguist or journalist. See?

Anyway, it turns out that it's a lack of eels that make people idealists.

"Hey, we should ban all wars."

Nice job, eat your eel, hippie.

"We should legalize pot."

Yes, we should. We really should. But eat your eel, hippie.

These would be special eels. Eels that are inserted...predictably into the vagina or the anus...or the nose. They'll be like the gooooaaaaaauuuuulds of Stargate SG-1. I happen to have extra eels if you know anyone who needs some.