Saturday, June 11, 2005

Glaucoma by a nose

If I had a racehorse I would name her Glaucoma.

When after a random drug test it was discovered that Glaucoma had been smoking weed I would declare solemnly, "It's not just her name that's Glaucoma, but...she has glaucoma." The clever listener would note the catch in my voice and feel sympathy.

She would be cast out of competition even though she was the fastest horse ever born. I would be indignant. How can you suggest that weed is enhancing in any way, I would protest.

But laws are laws. People who need to enforce them can be sticklers in the extreme.

I would put her down myself. It would be for the best. A horse made to run who tragically has glaucoma and can't smoke weed is no horse.

I'd sell her carcass to the best dog food plant.

She'd want it that way.