Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I've been catching up on my cards and letters

Department of Menage a Trois
15 Dodge Street

Dear Sir/Madame--

First of all, thank you for the opportunity to be on the Menage a Trois wait list. I understand that there are a lot of people out there who want to experience the Menage a Trois and I am grateful that I am being considered instead of rejected out of hand like my friend Dave was. Good call on that Dave rejection, he's a real asshole.

I am responding to your questionnaire that you sent to me a few days ago about how to get off the wait list sooner. First of all, I did mention to my wife that I was interested in a Menage a Trois. Without going into too many details let's just consider that to be a closed avenue.

I really thought you had some good ideas about getting off of the wait list sooner but I think your suggestions are a little beyond what I'm willing to do at this point. A transsexual still kinda counts as a man and a hermaphrodite is... well, I'm not sure, but I don't think a hermaphrodite is a girl, so a threesome with those two I'd like to kind of keep on the back burner for now.

Finally, and I really hate to sound picky but I figure this is a once in a lifetime shot...No identical twins. I would totally screw up the names and that would be so embarrassing. And twins usually have similar starting names like Tami and Tonya or Suzanne and Sally. I just wouldn't be comfortable with that. If I shouted out, "Oh, yeah, Tami, that feels so good..." when it was Tonya I would never forgive myself.

Again, thanks for the consideration and I look forward to hearing from you. I think you will find me a candidate of unusual merit and deep, deep interest.