Hey, Darwin, blow me.

I sucked a dick for a tank of gas, yesterday--which is pretty normal because my car is powered by semen--not actually the white stuff, but the little dudes inside of semen. The dudes that make the semencicles so tasty. Little...semen dudes is how we referred to them in science class when I got my Science major in homorology.

How does it work? Well I'd like to tell you magic because that would not offend God and the Catholics and the Jews but...it's actually science!

I have built a series of several small treadmills that serve as an engine.

Down the fuel pipe (where I dump all the semen) is a list of posters showing skinny semen and loudspeakers blaring, "No one likes fat, ugly semen. Like you."

This is where the science comes into play, are you listening, Kansas? They EVOLVE into fat conscious consumers. I feed them only big macs like that dipshit who did that silly movie and they get fat. As they get fat I show them pictures of skinnier and skinnier people causing them to hit the treadmills harder and harder.

Eventually they all get tired and die which requires a constant supply of semen.

FYI, xtianity, I'm working on a faith powered car but I'll be fucked if I can't get it right. I'm missing just one detail or two, maybe I'll get back to it after a nap.