This looks bad for me

This just in!

My bum hole is red and sore and my perineum is all itchy.

I suspect the homos have been making love to me at night.

They must have developed some kind of advanced sleep ray that would make a man sleep through an abomination to God.

I hope they wore condoms or now I have the aids. or the hiv. or the gays.

shit.

dear God,

please bless that I don't have the gays

amen.

p.s. if I do have the gays then send me a hot man w/ a tight ass who hates to poke.