Fair, not balanced though

I'm very jealous of the Mexicans for their ability to wear those sombreros and panchos and their fine affection for frijoles and beer.

I'm jealous of the Mexicans who can steal anything they want because of their deftness of hand and slightly oily skin and super fast speeding ability when "los puercos" show up to the scene.

I'm sad that I have to pay for things and go into debt...and toil away in college and day jobs while they watch Univision and go to bull fights in the Toreo and cheer on the valiant matador.

I can't even be on welfare because only the Mexicans can be on welfare, I'm told.

By the liberal media and the fair and balanced Fox news.

Dear Mexicans, please make me a member so I can get one of those trucks and put panels and tools in it and drive around as if going to mow lawns but really just whistle at the white women.

Love, Fair and Balanced Ho.