Tuesday, October 25, 2005


I have two things that have been gnawing on my soul for the last several years. I'm going to draw it out and sent it to Post Secret but I'm also going to first spill them here so as to lighten my daily load... and also get some ideas for how to actually draw them on the postcard.

I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. I intentionally disregard the message on my toaster that says to use a particular slot when making only one piece of toast. I specifically and with malice of intent use the exact opposite toaster slot. I also give a smug smile when no one's around so as to show the toaster that I know I'm supposed to be using the one slot but I'm sticking my bread into the other slot. The wrong slot. Slot B.

That feels good to have that confessed.

Secondarily, I wash more than just my face, pits, crotch and ass when taking a shower. I wash my arms and legs with a puffy purple loufa covered in a fine scented coconut shower gel. I also take baths and not showers. I loll around in the bath for hours commanding my children to fetch me toast and shower gel.

I think on the postcard I'll draw a 5/8ths erect penis and hope that they will infer my meaning. It's surely self-evident.