I hope you don't get the aids from it

I bore witness to the birth of three poops yesterday and today I'm here to tell you that I'm on the second poop and hope for at least one more.

The first poop (from yesterday) was a fighter. It dug it's little poopy claws into my virgin sacro iliac (a rare portion of the male anatomy not to be fucked with or about) and dug and dug and I had to force him out.

And force I did.

The secondary poops were small and looked like miniature raisins--so much so that I actually tasted one and I'm here to tell you that looks can deceive.

The tertiary poop sprang from my ass as if afire. It (the posterior missile) shot out and I worried that it would split the porcelain of my fine, white toilet.

I was contacted by the Guinness book of World Records (early in the AM) and am now the record holder for the most non-diahreeal poops given in one day and also the fastest velocity poops measured at over forty miles per hour.