Asscycles are a bad invention I made

Who would steal a baby?

They're a lot of work. They're always saying, "Look dad, I pooped my pants!" But in crying-jag format.

Then you're supposed to say, "Yes, baby, that's wonderful! That's a well formed and pretty poop in spite of it being mushed in there!" whilst you clean the poop from the bum.

Stealing a baby is like mowing your neighbor's lawn for free. And then bagging the grass.

All of this comes to me from books which I read and translate into pig latin.