Grandmother, grandmother why do I call you mom

I think if I could take a pill that would turn me gay I certainly wood. Then at night I would study and research historical documents like the Bible and find passages that show why the gays are going to go to hell, then I would write up pages and pages of vitriol decrying the Gay Agenda and put them on the innernet at stopthegayagenda.com.

I would get a truck bigger than most other vehicles and I would cover it in Yellow magnetic stickers begging for the safe return of our troops, both men and women, not just the young, strong boys.

I would go to revival meetings and marry ex-liesbains.

We would have bad sex and I would masturbate to Just For Men shaving commercials while she would take extra long tennis lessons from the local tennis place.

I would learn to eat overcooked liver without ketchup or onions.

I would take long swims in the ocean and try to drown.

I would await my day when I could proudly walk into heaven and say, I fought the fight for you, Oh Lord and I fought it with fists and words and never pulled no punches.