Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Good news.

I had my first gay affair at work the other day and it wasn't so bad.

I'm sure you're curious about how it came to be that I had a gay affair and I'm going to tell you.

So there I was, in the bathroom where these things often take place.

I was pooping and someone came into the bathroom and picked the stall right next to mine, instead of like the other five hundred open stalls.

So I'm all pissed off thinking to myself, hey, asshole, why did you need to poop so close to me?

That's when it happens. Ho, he says, how's that such and such project coming?

ZOMG, I say to myself, in my head. He's talking to me while I'm pooping in a public restroom. I'M HAVING A HOMOSEXUAL AFFAIR.

Good, I say. You have to know I'm scared. I didn't know what to do. It was my first time. I just kept thinking, I hope I don't screw this one up.

Then he starts going on and on about his project and all I can do is say, uh huh. Over and over again, and I'm sweating and my legs are all sticking to the seat.

Uh! Huh!

Like that.

So toward the end I'm weak and tired and he says, Well, back to work! And just laughs like he'd said something funny.

I staggered out and washed my dirty, gay hands.

I hope my wife doesn't find out that I'm now on the down low.